The other day I was measuring someone from my Slim & Strong class. I took her inches, her body fat and told her how great she looked and how far she had come along.
Her response? She pinched the little belly fat she had and said “Yeah, but I’m still fat!”
This is typical for women. I have rarely met a guy not accept my compliments after telling him that he gained lots of muscle or lost fat. Why is it that we as woman can’t take compliments? Isn’t that what we want? To be told that we are beautiful, loving, caring, nurturing, etc. Why do we then shoot down anything positive directed at us and try to minimize it and act like we’re not worthy?
My typical response to a woman saying negative things in response to me paying her a compliment is usually just: “Ok, let’s try this again: You look really great today.” And I will ask her to just say “Thank you.” Yes, it’s a tough thing sometimes to take a compliment, but if you’ve worked so hard to feel good and look great and someone notices, then just take the damn compliment and don’t shoot it down. I have a hard time with that too, I will admit that, but it’s important to not argue with someone who genuinely shared something positive with you. Do let people know that you notice their efforts, that you see the work they’ve put in, whether it’s a weight loss client or your employee or your friend. Giving positive feedback is so encouraging and so energizing. Try it every day for a week. You may be surprised what happens.
Below is a Daily OM email that discusses the issue...
We seldom accept negative comments from others, however, we so often accept our
own inner negative chatter.
Few people enjoy the company of individuals whose attitudes are persistently negative. Yet many of us tolerate the critical chatter that can originate within our own minds. Since we are so used to the stream of self-limiting, critical consciousness that winds its way through our thoughts, we are often unaware of the impact these musings have on our lives. It is only when we become aware of the power of such thoughts that we can divest ourselves of them and fill the emptiness they leave with loving, peaceful affirmations.
Many people, upon paying careful attention to their thinking patterns, are surprised at the negativity they find there. But when we take notice of involuntary thoughts in a non-judgmental way, we initiate a healing process that will eventually allow us to replace intimidating and upsetting self-talk with positive, empowering thoughts.
While the occasional downbeat or judgmental thought may have little impact on your contentment, the ongoing negativity that passes unnoticed can have a dampening effect on your mood and your outlook. When you are aware of the tone of your thoughts, however, you can challenge them. Try to be conscious of your feelings, opinions, and judgments for a single day. From sunup to sundown, scrutinize the messages you are feeding into your subconscious mind.
Consider your thoughts from the perspective of a detached observer and try not to judge yourself based on the notions that come unbidden into your mind. Simply watch the flow of your consciousness and make a note of the number of times you find yourself focusing on gloomy notions or indulging in self-directed criticism. As you become increasingly aware of your patterns of thought, whether positive and negative, you will gradually learn to control the character of your stream of consciousness.
Endeavor always to remember that the images and ideas that pass through your mind are transient and not a true representation of who you are. In training yourself to be cognizant of your thoughts, you gain the ability to actively modulate your mood. The awareness you cultivate within yourself will eventually enable you to create a foundation of positivity from which you can build a more authentic existence.